Me & My Blog.. Dreams & Trials

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Lacking the ability to find my actual photos of myself at this moment I’m choosing this Drawing.

This may not be my photo, but I did draw this pic. So, I thought it would be a acceptable stand in, at least for now. Technically, I wouldn’t mind my hair this colo(mine is brown). Hmm, is that a midlife crisis dream? I do have blue eyes. I could do two braids, but  I usually opt for a ponytail, even though my mind says I’m too old for one.

I realize now this should have been my first post. However, I didn’t really think about doing a who am I entry. Actually, I feel like I had something on my Just life page but it got deleted mistakenly when I started to add to that page recently.

I began this blog approximately 5 years ago. I knew nothing about blogging, other than the word, and my postings were not consistent. This was mostly due to my life circumstances. I started this blog at a time when my health was not up to the challenge of caring or attempting to grow a blog.

So, after beginning with the rather downer way of my life, I decided to start with the dreams I started and still hope to accomplish with this blog. My hope was / is to create a space that shows my on going progress with my drawing, crafting, card making, journaling, and mixed media projects, items made during classes or done on my own.

I wanted to get people interested in perhaps trying some things I was / am posting. People that were /are looking for something to do in their free time.

I would love to be able to be on a company’s deign team someday. I would also like to be able to gain some affiliations from companies whose products I use and love. I have started towards this goal by listing links to the products I use in my card making, art, journaling and other postings.

I saw somewhere that videos attract more followers. I am still trying to figure this out, as well as overcoming my anxiety of hearing & potentially seeing myself recorded….lol Yea I know, silly but true.

I’m not sure why, but I didn’t just want my posting home page. This is why I tried to create one or two pages that worked with my posts. Then, I decided I would add something totally different. This would be the just life page where I just list things I and hopefully my readers will find interesting.

I will spare you the long version and try to give a condensed version.(although that will most likely be long too)  Things started happening March of 1997. I hurt terribly everywhere; skin, hair, and joints, not to mention not sleeping(making for extremely long days and longer nights).

The only thing is that the pain wasn’t “actually in” my joints, and there was supposedly no swelling, yea confusing I know. Add migraines, which I was later told were actually “muscle tension headaches”. What’s the difference you may ask? Well, none that I could / can see the symptoms are exactly the same , except migraine meds gave no relief. Once these things started they became more constant and severe. Everything was made worse by stress or confrontations(which would make me physically ill), doing too much of everyday chores or just being, for that matter.

It took an unbelievable amount of different doctors and appointments for them to diagnose me 9 years later as having Fibromyalgia, and probably a few other unknown conditions, not to mention I began falling more and more. Apparently, getting 2 hair line back fractures, needless to say I have serious back pain.

I always thought if they could just find out what was going on they could fix things. Well, that was a pipe dream. As I was given my diagnosis I was told they don’t know what causes Fibromyalgia or how to treat it, they would just have to treat the symptoms….yea no luck on that front either.

I finally found a doctor that got me on a Bipap and several different sleeping scripts, which basically knocked me out. So, I woke seeing a loss of time, not feeling like I had a relaxing nights sleep. Over 14 years he had me trying a million different scripts. Between that doc and a psychiatrist I was on like 13-15 different meds.

I couldn’t focus on anything, my memory and finding the words I wanted to say was beyond frustrating. I spent more than 5 years trying to get onto social security. I was forced to claim bankruptcy due to not being able to work. Although my husband had a good job it just wasn’t enough for a household with 3 and then 2 kids.

My medical issues started snowballing and life was extremely difficult. Doctors were making me feel like. I was crazy. However, I KNEW the pain was REAL!

All of this gave me major guilt at not being able to be the Mother I wanted to be.  About 2 years ago my 14 year doctor disappeared. Major freak out!! I started weening myself off the meds I would not be able to refill. I could not get in to see any new doctors w/o my medical records or a referral… if i had thought my days and nights were long before I really could not express how much longer they became. In addition I was so sick I couldn’t move let alone stand to sit still, there was no rest or relief. It took 2 +/- months to get my physical medical records.

I finally found a doctor who would see me and he actually had knowledge of new Fibromyalgia information. He took me off 2 meds and put me on a med I had been on before , but not combined with a new med. The new doc told me that I had to be on both or they would do nothing.

Although the pain is still present, I did get some mental and sleep relief, which seemed huge. I’m still in constant pain and very limited in what I can do, but I am no longer a zombie(no joke).

I am still waiting for an appointment with a new psychiatrist, and to hear back from a new pulmonary doctor, but at least I am starting to get medically connected again.

I actually drove myself to a pharmacy less than a mile away the other day, first time I have driven in over 2 years. Having to depend on rides is a whole diffferent kind of useless feeling.

I hsve renewed hope with my new doctors. I just have to see what years of medical advancement has occurred and if I can afford it, even with insurance. As I’m sure most people know any new meds are super expensive & if it is not generic its not an option.

On a positive note things are going better and I’m able to post most days.

AS ALWAYS KEEP ON CRAFTING & LOVIN’ EVERY MINUTE! NO MATTER WHAT YOUR STYLE!!

 

 

2 comments

  1. Great ‘get to know the real me’ article. I’m still so excited you drove last week…I told Elaine all about your improvements with this new doctor – but you are still in pain…I hope he can help that too. Hugs, Mom

    Like

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